And now...
...ladies and gentlemen...
...the 43rd president of the United States...
...George W. Bush.
-Axis of Hatred? -I know.
Something about it...
-...just misses. -Any other brilliant ideas?
How about Axis of Weasels?
Don't get cute, Karl. This is serious now.
I think it needs to be stronger.
Just cut through the noise. Like Reagan with the "Evil Empire" speech.
Well, is it too much then to--?
What about Axis of Evil?
Axis of Evil?
Evil? Yeah, I like the ring of that. That's good.
Mr. President, "axis" brings up World War II.
You can't link Germany and Japan with Iraq and North Korea.
No, I-- I disagree, Colin.
Weapons of mass destruction make these countries more dangerous.
We gotta begin educating the public about this war and its implications.
You have an approval rating of more than 80 percent now.
It's just astounding.
Not since Roosevelt after Pearl Harbor.
The American people want revenge. They liked Afghanistan.
They want more.
Mr. President, if I may?
Given your strong commitment to democracy...
...do you think that Iran should be lumped together...
...with Iraq and North Korea?
After all, Iran has a democratically elected president.
-As always, Guru, sharp. -Thank you.
Iran is not Iraq and Iraq is not Iran. I know that.
If we can get one democracy going in one of these places, Iran, Iraq?
Reagan was right. It's gonna spread to all these countries...
...because people want freedom.
With this message, we're sending strong word to reformers in Iran...
...to turn on these deadbeat dead-enders...
...these ayatollah cockamamies. Iran stays in.
When you make threats, sir, you have to back them up.
You'd be committing us to planning...
...three fully operational wars with three countries.
No, I'm not saying war. I'm saying lay down the law.
But the speech as written is taking a preemptive posture...
...against countries, none of whom declared war on us.
For 60 years now, this country...
...has operated under a principle of containment.
That's a defense, general, not an offense.
How are you gonna contain 100,000 lunatics...
...running around with fake passports...
...from country to country, looking for nukes, anthrax?
Containment don't hold water as far as I'm concerned.
We're gonna get hit again. We all know that.
Unless we go out there, hit them hard, and we hit them first.
Well, containment won us the Cold War.
Some people might just say that Reagan won the Cold War, general.
And it started with the "Empire of Evil" speech.
What do you think?
Oh, Mr. President, you know I don't do nuance. It's just not my thing.
I'll keep to the big picture if you don't mind.
I do. Brother George?
Think?
Well, actually there's about 80,000 of them, terrorists, in about 80 countries.
My point exactly.
And I'm sure you realize, of course, what complicates things is...
...it wasn't Iran or Iraq who attacked us.
It was Osama bin Laden.
I know it was bin Laden, George. You know as well as I do...
...there's more terrorists out there...
...than a religious nut in a cave in Pakistan.
-Wolfie, you got that look on your face. -Well, sir, to get back to the point...
...Iran is the issue here.
It is the mothership of terrorism.
Vice?
Sir, as you know, I don't view this issue as a matter of choice.
Since 9/11, there's no going back.
Well, then...
-...we'll go with Axis of Evil. -Yes, Mr. President.
And now I'm tired of this sentence.
All right, before we go, let's all take a moment.
You too, turdblossom.
Do infants enjoy infancy...
...as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Let's go. Go.
Why do kamikaze pilots wear seat belts?
Because the Japs are crazy.
That's wrong. And you all suffer.
Buxenhall, you worthless piece of horseshit.
Sing "The Whiffenpoof Song."
-I can't hear you. -Louder.
Yeah.
Lovely.
So...
-...enjoying ourselves, I see. -Yeah.
Good evening, young fellow Delta Kappsters in waiting.
This is pledge week.
If you make the grade, you'll become a brother.
Delta Kappa brothers are men of honor...
...decency...
...and God-given character.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
That, along with our family fortunes, is why we rule the world. Right, Jimmy?
Right.
But...
...until you are Delta Kappsters...
...you are all still pieces of garbage.
You, Buxenhall, quick.
How many of these brothers do you know?
Name every brother in this room. Now.
Dieter...
...Hotchkiss, Austin, Hill, Coors.
-No good. -Sanders--
Seven. Seven out of 40. That's it?
Maybe you'll remember better with a drink.
Yeah!
And what about you?
You think you can do any better, Mister Pussy?
-Yes, sir. -Are you ready for your bath?
I think I can do better.
Let's hear.
"Cape Cod" Cartner...
...Scotty "Scotch and soda" Sonnenberg...
...Paul "Putting-on-the-Rich" Richardson...
...Jackie "Jambalaya" Jackson...
...Paul "Poodle" Johnson...
...Marky "Pit Bull" Phillips, Ollie "Octopus" Givens...
...John "Cranky" Olinger...
...Sammy "Sloppy Seconds" Woods, Jeremiah "Crusher" Adams...
...Howie "Gringo" Givens...
...Adam "Lazy" Greenwood--
-We have got a working brain here. -Yeah.
He may be from Texas...
...but he's gonna be one great Delta Kappster.
Sir, I'm working for that.
You legacy?
Yeah, father, grandfather, all the way back to great, great grandfather.
Yeah, for any ignoramuses who don't know...
...his grandfather Prescott...
...is our esteemed senator from Connecticut.
My father's running for Congress in Texas.
Yeah.
Planning on following in their footsteps there, Bushie?
Hell, no. No way in the world I'd wanna do that.
Congressman George Bush.
May I please speak with my son?
-Daddy's on the phone. -Hey, tell your mom I said hi.
-Wait here. I'll be right back. -Help us out here, Bush.
-I'll be right back. -Don't forget about us.
Hello, Pop. Is that you?
What's this about?
What kind of trouble you in now?
Oh, it's penny ante. I swear, Poppy.
Hey, we beat Princeton.
Won the darn championship.
We were tearing down the goal posts. I was hanging on the crossbar.
But they arrested me on account of me being head cheerleader, I'm sure.
Hill and Dowling had great games. I mean, we kicked their butts.
The only thing better than beating Princeton, beating Harvard.
You beat both of them when you won the championship.
Went to the first College World Series.
The first two college national championships.
Forty-seven and '48. Right after you were born.
There are still photos of you...
...and that team up on the walls of Delta Kappa.
Tell you, things in this life you wish you could go back, do over.
I could field, but I couldn't hit.
Went 0 for 3 against Cal in the finals.
How history goes.
Still, you were on the greatest Yale baseball team of all time.
My father would've kicked the crap out of me...
...if I ended up where you are now, Junior.
They're gonna let me go, Poppy.
I have to get out of New Jersey and promise never to come back.
Which is okey-dokey with me.
Don't work that way, Junior.
Not to me, not to this family.
Now, I'm getting you out of this, this time.
I don't wanna get any more phone calls like this again.
Ever.
-You hear me? -Yes, sir.
-Where is your grease gun? -It's up there.
Quit messing with me.
-Manuel. -Get your butt back in here.
I thought you just wanted me to go up there just now.
Shit.
-What happened? -I think the bearing stopped.
-Hey, watch this for me, will you? -Okay.
-Watch it. -Okay.
Hey, Miguel.
-Is that too hot? -Yeah.
Damn.
I need some help out here.
Bush, what you doing off the floor? Shift's not over till 1800.
I'm having a drink, sir.
Get back there. The motor's overheating.
I need every swinging dick I got.
Yeah, I know that. But, sir, you see, I'm about parched.
You know, I just need a couple of minutes here.
You already had your break. This ain't some fancy-ass Ivy League school.
Now, haul that butt of yours back out to your motor...
...before something else happens.
All right. You know, sir...
-...I think this butt of mine just quit. -That the way you want it?
That's fine with me. Get your ass off my rig.
I'll just get the next coach out.
Thank you.
Look, how many times do I gotta tell you? You are my gal.
I mean, I'm as happy as a rabbit in a carrot patch with you.
But you never say the words.
What words?
The L word.
The L word? What, lesbian? You're no lesbian.
What future are we gonna have if you're always joking?
Come on, Fran, I'm crazy about you.
Okay? We're gonna go back to Houston.
We're gonna have a big church wedding. All the trimmings. All of it.
What kind of church?
I grew up Episcopalian. I grew up Presbyterian...
...and then I turned into Episcopalian.
Well, I'm a Baptist.
Episcopalian, Baptist, what the hell does it matter?
You're gonna be one of us, a Bush. How does that sound, sweetheart?
You mean it? You swear it?
Look, then we're gonna move to New York. You ever been there?
Bright lights, big city. It's even bigger than Dallas.
I'm gonna work on Wall Street. I got an uncle who's gonna set me up.
Told me, "Just say the word."
You gotta picture a boatload of money.
We're gonna be on a big boat with lots of money.
-New York? -Yup.
I never dreamt of that.
Start dreaming now.
-George. -Yeah?
Are you proposing to me?
If I had a rock big enough, I'd give it to you right now.
Freddie Mac, here we go, two more shots.
Oh, I love this song. Come on, honey.
-Come on. Get on up here, girl. -What are you doing? You're crazy.
Come on, baby.
Yeah.
Come on, my boy.
Damn right, brother.
-See you later, George. Tell Barbara hi. -Junior.
-Thanks for coming. -W.
Hey, guys.
Tell him-- Tell him that I won't be able to do that till 3.
No, that's the soonest I can do it.
And hold my phone calls.
Let's see now. Sit down.
If I remember correctly, you didn't like the sporting-goods job...
...or the oil-rig job.
Working in the investment firm wasn't for you either.
That ranch-hand thing, Arizona. That sure didn't last long.
Didn't exactly finish up...
...with flying colors in the Air National Guard, Junior.
We're still not out of that one.
Now this gal, Suzie. Shooting off her mouth about you knocking her up.
-Wait. How did you know about that? -Word gets around, boy.
That's a danged lie, Poppy.
I used a condom. I'm not dumb.
What are you cut out for?
Partying, chasing tail, driving drunk?
What do you think you are? A Kennedy?
You're a Bush. Act like one.
You can't even hold a job.
We always worked for our living.
It's time you joined the rest of us...
...and decided what it is you're gonna do with your life.
I know, Poppy.
I'm just having a devil of a time trying to figure it out.
Well, then figure it out soon, Junior.
Your brother Jeb graduates Phi Beta Kappa.
What did you get? Cs?
You only get one bite at the apple.
Well, Jeb's not me and I don't wanna be Jeb, Poppy.
Look, what I'd really love--
I mean, what I'd really love to do is to find something in baseball.
What? You can't play.
Coach? You're fishing for the moon in the water.
Something real.
I started out in the oil fields. I was hoping that--
No, I'll try harder, Poppy, I promise.
No, I can do it.
Can you? Can you really?
You agreed to work for a period of time...
...and you haven't kept your word once. Not once.
In our family, the Bush family...
...we honor our commitments.
I'll take care of this...
...young woman.
You disappoint me, Junior.
Deeply disappoint me.
Is that it?
Yeah.
Almost three minutes behind, Rafael. Pick up the pace.
My running times are better than ever since the Afghan invasion.
I'm back down from 7-minute miles to the 6:45s.
I mean, honestly, I'm probably the fastest president in history.
I heard your father was a pretty good runner too.
Yeah, second fastest, maybe.
He had endurance, but not my kind of speed.
What about Clinton?
My mother waddles faster than that lardass.
And my pulse is only 35I 40. You need to get in shape, Vice.
We need you around. Three heart attacks is three too many.
Thank you.
Mr. President...
...if there was an E. coli breakout in a produce farm in Maryland...
...would you take the chance of eating the lettuce in that sandwich?
Why are you bringing this up?
I mean, you know I got tasters in the kitchen.
If there was a 1 percent chance of you dying, sir...
...would you eat the lettuce in that sandwich?
One percent?
No. Probably not.
Most people wouldn't, sir.
And that's the dark side.
The 1 percent chance of a nuclear attack, or an anthrax epidemic...
...or God help us, a smallpox outbreak.
We'd have 200 million Americans dead on our hands.
Why are you bringing this up at lunch?
Vice, I mean, you know I agree with you on this.
Because I'm more worried now than I was on 9/11.
And you know how disorganized we were.
I just wanna know where you're going with this.
Mr. President...
...this is a fulcrum point in history. Your presidency.
The Middle East, 9/11, homeland security.
Everything is coming together like a perfect storm.
Now, with all due respect, sir...
...I don't think this executive branch is ready for that.
-Didn't we get the Patriot Act through? -Doesn't go far enough, sir.
All right, Vice, so, what do you want me to do that I haven't already done?
I mean, look, we're on top of the banks, the telecoms, the databases...
...these Internet carriers.
We're tracking, what, a billion phone calls a day?
-We got this Guantanemera open. -Guantanamo.
Nobody's gonna be hearing from those people for a long time.
Sir, I served your father.
And he was an able and honorable man.
And he won the Iraq war.
But he, myself and Powell...
...we let that momentum slip away.
And if we hadn't...
...we wouldn't be looking down the barrel of another 9/11.
I told my father the same thing back then:
"Take the sucker out."
So, what do you think the odds are that Saddam's got nukes?
Well, according to our sources, 90 percent.
-But even if it was 1 percent-- -You don't have to sell me.
We gotta sell the American people...
...okay, and Colin.
The Commander in Chief doesn't have to sell anything.
He has constitutionally unlimited power in wartime.
And you have the capacity to do anything you see fit.
Okay.
What's that thing you got there?
This is a sign-off.
It authorizes us...
...to use "interrogation techniques...
...against unlawful enemy combatants...
...with maximal effective persuasion."
Like pulling out their toenails?
No sir. Enhanced interrogation techniques...
...means utilizing fear scenarios...
...like dogs or isolation...
...or simulated drowning or sleep deprivation...
...or enforced stress positions, but nothing fatal.
Kind of reminds me of my fraternity days.
Remember, we don't use torture in this country.
No torture.
But it includes our citizens too.
If they are aiding and abetting terrorist organizations.
Makes sense.
Still, I can see all these latte-sipping lefties going nuts again.
The Kyoto bullshit was bad enough.
Now it'll be all the sobbing over the Geneva Convention.
Let me take a look at it.
Only three pages? Good.
The Office of Legal Counsel is with us on this one.
-I got it, Vice, I'll look at it. -If we sign this week...
...with Congress in recess, we're gonna have less nonsense.
-I said, I'll look at it. -Okay.
I'll let you finish your lunch.
Oh, Vice...
...when we're in meetings with others...
...I just want you to keep a lid on it.
I thought I was, sir.
No, you heard me. Just keep your ego in check.
You know, because, remember, I'm the president.
I'm the decider.
-I totally agree, sir. -Okay.
Ninety, 45, 90 is the plan, sir. Two hundred and twenty-five days.
Ninety for prep.
Moving 150,000 troops into Kuwait...
...building the airfields, moving equipment.
Then air strikes for 45 days.
-Then 90 days of ground combat. -A hundred and fifty thousand men?
I mean, I'm not looking to play small ball here, Tommy.
We put 500,000 pairs of boots on the ground, Desert Storm.
We planned for any possibility.
I think the Pentagon can wrestle this thing down to 100,000.
Go light. Like Afghanistan.
Blitz the bejesus out of them from the air.
Total shock and awe, Mr. President.
Shock and awe. I like it. I like that.
So when can we go?
Well, January, February, March is best.
What about April, May, June?
No, you can't start a war in Iraq after March.
They got scorchers out there, burn the hide off a scorpion.
All right. I can run in that kind of heat.
Not with a biohazard suit on, you can't, sir.
I like the cut of your jib, Tommy.
I don't mean to rain on Tommy's parade here, sir.
If you go through with this, you're gonna be the owner...
...of 26 million Iraqi people standing around looking at us.
You break it, you own it. And I can tell you something.
You need to understand.
It's gonna suck the oxygen right out of everything you do.
It will become your first term.
Your father weighed this when we weighed the merits of the Gulf War.
Well, that may be so, Colin, but my dad's fishing at Kennebunkport...
...and Saddam's still dicking us around.
I didn't say we're going yet.
I still think we can use that 52nd card, you know...
...proof that he's got the WMDs.
You mean the 53rd card, sir, the joker?
No, that would be you, Brother George.
Hey, whoa, fellas.
I think we missed the side road.
Sir, I presume we'll win this war.
Then what?
What is our exit strategy?
Well, the DOD has already drawn up initial plans for a post-Hussein era...
...which would include the exercise of democracy and a free-market economy.
Well, I'm glad State's been consulted.
What type of government is DOD talking about putting in Iraq?
Come on, Spotty. Make me proud, girl.
Look, fellas, in the end it's about freedom.
A free country is a peaceful country.
My dream is to see peace break out all over the Middle East.
So any kind of government will do. As long as it's a democracy.
Indeed.
Yeah, the cars are this way.
Half a mile maybe. Follow me.
Boy, we're not seeing that guy today.
Well, this is a guy who got hurt in practice....
So just a lot of development there.
He wasn't the starter for the first half of the season...
...so he's continuing to evolve.
They're at 11, they need to get to the 25.
Randall under pressure, the ball is loose...
...and Texas has it.
-Yes! -Will go all the way, touchdown...
-Yes! -...Longhorns.
Redding knocked it loose...
...and Jackson cashes in.
Hey, give me that, little brother.
That's enough.
Poppy.
We're here.
We made it. Yeah.
Come on.
Marvin, go to your room.
-Do what your dad says. -What the hell...
-...do you think you're doing? -What?
He's only 15.
I've had just about enough of your crap.
You had enough of me?
I'm mighty glad to hear that.
Because I've had enough of you....
...for a lifetime...
-...and then some. -My advice to you, Junior:
Get yourself to an AA meeting. Get help.
Thank you, Mr., what, Perfect, Mr. War Hero, Mr. God Almighty.
Don't you talk to your father that way.
I'll talk to him however I want to.
When in tarnation is this boy gonna get out of his own way?
How many chances do you expect us to give?
Can't you talk to me?
Well, why do you tell her? That's it. Let's go.
Mano a mano.
You and me. Right here. Right now.
-You want an ass-whipping? -Yeah.
-I'll give it to you. -Jeb, do something.
Both of you, just stop it.
-Have you lost your minds? -Try it, old man.
-Go ahead. Take a swing. -Hey, calm down.
Don't you realize he was out celebrating?
-He just got into Harvard Business. -What?
George, why didn't you tell us?
Because I ain't going.
Okay? I just wanted to show you all that I could do it. Get in.
-Love me now? -Calm down. He'll--
He'll change his mind.
I wouldn't count on it, Jebbie, old boy.
-George. -You scared me half to death.
All right, now, he got into Harvard. Will you give him a little credit?
Of course he got in. Who do you think pulled the strings?
You did.
That's 20. Stay in.
How about that?
Excuse me. Excuse me.
All right. Here we go.
Oh, come on.
My income for the week.
Bush, you're just fleecing us tonight.
You're better at poker than finding oil.
Is it my fault the good Lord didn't put oil where I been digging?
Don't ask us to invest any more in your dry well.
Hey, Corn Dog. You remember this.
You invest in me, you'll get your money back and plenty more.
Better start shaking that money tree somehow.
Well, the great peanut farmer and rabbit hunter, Jimmy Carter...
...sure ain't helping. Solar panels on the roof of the White House?
Big government taxes are back, boys.
Amen to that.
Hope and pray your daddy can take him out in 1980.
He's gotta get past Reagan first.
Your dad's a true statesman.
He can take out that Hollywood actor, right, W?
Hey, Jimmy, what if I tell you...
...that I'm ready to get in the family business myself.
You're not talking about oil now?
No, I ain't. No, I'm ready to take a shot.
Because a sign has come unto me.
What has come unto you?
This July 6th, what notable event happened right here in West Texas?
You're birthday, wasn't it?
We already celebrated.
Yes, and George Mahon announced...
...his retirement from Congress after 44 years.
-That's right. -What a coincidence.
This, and right on my birthday.
And now that he's gone, boys, the 19th District...
...is in play for a Republican.
And that Republican is going to be...?
Yours truly, Skeeter.
Hope you don't forget us little people when you're in the Capital.
Well, saddle up our horses, boys, and send George W. to Washington.
-Hey. -What I like to hear.
Both of them? That would be Bush City.
Bush City.
Bushington.
-Thank you. -All right, you all gotta meet...
...my husband. This is Don. Don Evans.
How do you do? I'm Don Evans.
Oh, George!
Hey, Suzie, how are you?
Good to see you. Skeeter.
What's up, Bush? How you doing?
Can I get that beer, Jan? Thank you, honey.
You give me that laundry right here.
I have to borrow him for one--
-Laura. -Yo, give me a burger, will you?
-You got it. -Yeah? All right.
Laura, come here.
I'd like for you to meet George Bush Jr.
-Laura Welch. -You can call me anything but Junior.
You know, I remember seeing you in school.
We were in the 7th grade together at San Jacinto Junior High.
San Jacinto, yeah.
Year after I moved to Houston.
I don't know how I could have missed seeing someone as pretty as you are.
-Because I wasn't a cheerleader. -That could be it.
I've only been trying to get you two to meet for years.
Joe, can you put some more burgers on the barbecue?
-Dang. -Two with cheese. I'll get the drinks.
I gotta go give him a hand.
George, got your clean laundry ready for you on the way out.
Thanks, hon. And thanks for saying it out loud.
So, what do you do, Laura?
I read, I smoke, I admire.
When you do admire, you admire what?
People who write, who read. I'm a librarian.
Actually, I'm reading something right now.
Yeah, a very engaging book.
Oh, what is it?
Barry Goldwater's Conscience of a Conservative.
-Jan. -Don't tell me.
I worked on Gene McCarthy's campaign. And voted for LBJ.
Oh, no. No.
Well, looks like we're hitting it off like grease hits the skillet.
Well, I don't think politics should define a human being.
There's more to people than just how they vote.
I like that. I like that. You're open-minded.
Yeah, much more so than me, I have to say.
Well, I just think it's important to see all sides of a situation.
I read in the paper that you're running for Congress.
Yes, ma'am, I am.
I don't believe in forcing myself on people.
So that's why I'm just gonna ask for your phone number, not your vote.
Oh, well, I couldn't vote for you, anyway.
I live in Austin.
Not that I wouldn't consider it.
Well, thank you for that.
-But if you win-- -Yeah?
--please do something for education.
I was a teacher. I believe that's the thing...
...that can make a difference in people's lives.
Well, I'll tell you what. If I win, you can be my education advisor.
-Yeah, right. -No, no, no. I'm serious.
I like the way you think, you know?
And look.
You're a devil.
Devil in a white hat.
My daddy and granddaddy were farmers.
They didn't have anything to do with this mess we're in.
Bush's daddy and granddaddy have been in politics his whole life.
They don't know what people's suffering is about.
George Bush here hasn't earned the living he enjoys.
I stand on my own two feet, make my own living.
When it comes to the integrity of my father...
...what mess are you talking about?
Washington is the way it is...
...because of the Yale and Harvard fellas running the place.
I went to Texas Tech, you went to Yale.
I went to UT Law, you went to Harvard.
I've spent half my life in Midland. I know the problems of the people here.
Yeah, maybe at the country club.
You're still an outsider as far as we're concerned.
Mr. Hance will be nothing...
...but a tax-and-spend errand boy for the Democrats--
And he's really a carpetbagger from Connecticut.
-That's below the belt, even for you. -It's God's truth.
Carpetbagger? This is my home. I've been here in Midland since I was 2.
You're still an Easterner as far as we're concerned. East don't mix with Texas.
My fellow Christians....
My fellow Christians everywhere from Odessa to Lubbock...
...last week, Mr. Bush here used some of his vast sums of money...
...to throw a beer bash for underage students at Texas Tech.
A Bush Bash.
He's trying to get students to vote for him...
...by offering free alcohol to them. Bribing them with booze.
Well, you've had a beer or two in your lifetime.
Hell, yeah, but I'm not drinking with kids.
That may be the cool thing to do at Yale...
...but not here in good Christian country.
He just kept hammering away at me, you know?
The same lame stuff, tarring and feathering me about my father.
My father. What am I supposed to do? Run as Sam Smith?
Your family name has its advantages and its disadvantages, W.
Now, I'd still be with you if you were Sam Smith.
There's gotta be intelligent people that can see through him.
They should, but he was so busy attacking you.
I got in some licks before he threw the dirty tricks there at the end. Right?
-Well.... -What, you don't agree?
Your mother told me never to criticize a politician's speech.
Honey, look, I got a thick hide.
You can tell me the truth.
Come on.
What, it was all bad?
It wasn't good.
Why did you do that?
That was crazy.
I told you I can take criticism.
-You see, I'm already over it. -The car isn't.
Do not ask me for my opinion on your speeches again.
Honey, look, I'm gonna be asking you for a long, long time.
Not while we're driving then, please.
I never dated a woman quite like you, you know that?
Hey, I think--
I think you are the gal for me.
Look, you're one of the greatest listeners I've ever met.
And since I'm one of the biggest talkers, it seems like a genuine fit.
What do you think, huh?
-It kind of does. -Only kind of?
-More than kind of. -Yeah.
The polls have now closed and it looks like Democrat Kent Hance...
...has defeated Republican candidate George W. Bush...
...in the race for the 19th Congressional District.
And while Bush garnered a respectable 47,497 votes...
...Hance swept into the lead with 53,97--
Well, look at it this way.
You came closer than any Republican ever has in this district.
First is first and second is nothing.
At least we won here in Midland.
The people who know you best voted for you.
I should've stuck it right back up his butt. That's what I should've done.
Geo, you wanted to play fair.
You didn't wanna get in the gutter. Even though you lost...
-...you can hold your head up. -Laura, politics is not a library.
It's a kick-ass, skull-crushing war, and I lost.
-You'll get him next time. -If there is a next time.
-George. -Look, I'll tell you one thing.
There's no way I will ever be out-Texaned or out-Christianed again.
How's it going, word guys? You gotta get cracking...
...on my foreign-policy speech tomorrow. I need the draft by tonight.
You'll get it. We just have to get our guy at the NSC to sign off on it.
All right. You get your guys, you get Tenet, then I decide.
I'm going to bed after Sports Cap, so I want it in my room by 8 p.m., latest.
-No excuses now. -Yes, Mr. President.
Come on, sit down, get writing.
You think we can get this stuff in?
If we can't, we can always leak it to the Times.
All right. Let me get our guy on the horn.
Just to be safe, I wouldn't say 500, I would say up to 500 metric tons.
-Continue. -"Some ask why Iraq...
...is different from countries that also have terrible weapons.
While there are many dangers in this world...
...the threat from Iraq stands alone."
I'll have to have this approved by the agency. Let me fax it to Langley.
I'll get in touch with Tenet.
Okay.
George, it only takes about 10 tons of yellow cake...
...to produce enough uranium for a single nuclear weapon.
Hank, I have already gone over this...
...with the vice president's office and DOD.
This information comes from a single foreign source.
It has not been confirmed.
Besides, Hank...
...it's not solid enough to be out front with. Take it out.
You're sure?
I just can't go with it.
Get me Mike again.
-Yeah? -You have to take out the red meat...
...but leave all the spice you can.
Okay, thanks.
Slight change of plans. It's out.
We got a lot of work to do before Sports Cap.
So, Karl, how long is this History Channel thing gonna take?
-Card scheduled it for 45 minutes. -Come on, Spotty, this one's for you.
God. Spotty's getting old.
She needs a seeing-eye dog for herself.
You know, once she was a great athlete.
You should have seen her. She was like the DiMaggio of dogs.
-So you remember your lead? -Yup.
Ronald Reagan believed that everything happened for a reason...
...and that we should strive to know and do the will of God.
Looks like your balls have been put through the wringer, Ari. What's up?
-Helen Thomas. -Barney...
...how many times do I gotta tell you? Stay back.
-And what else did I write down? -Berlin Wall.
Right. Cold War.
Reagan didn't say, "Mr. Gorbachev...
...will you take down the top three bricks off the Berlin Wall?"
He said, "Tear it down. Tear it all down." And so they did.
-Good boy, Barney. -Memory's still the greatest, sir.
You know, I'm a lot more like him than my father.
And the world has to know clearly where America stands.
Yeah.
What's that old battle-ax, Helen Thomas, ragging on about now?
Did she say anything about, you know, Iraq?
She was talking about secret plans...
...for regime change there. You know the rap:
"What makes Saddam different from any other dictator?
What right do we have to go to war with Iraq?"
Did you tell her I don't like mudsuckers who gas their own people?
Did you tell her I don't like assholes that try to kill my father?
Did you tell her that I'm gonna kick his sorry ass all over the Mideast?
Well, I told her about half of that.
Only half?
Here's to turning 40 and looking 30.
Nothing old about you except a few of your jokes.
I think my jokes are funny.
To the best thing that ever came out of a Texas backyard barbecue.
May all yours and Laura's dreams come true.
-Each and every one of them. -It's baseball, you know.
I think Bushie wants to be baseball commissioner.
-Why not? I love baseball. -After all the times I've gone...
...I just never could get into it!
You know who I grew up dreaming to be, Spider?
-Who? -Willie "The Say Hey Kid" Mays.
He was the greatest ever.
The problem is you couldn't hit the curve ball, and you're white.
That's right, I am white. I'm white.
-Phone call for you, Mr. Bush. -Whoa, Buddy Holly.
-Who is it? -The vice president, sir.
All right. All right, I'll get that and it's time to get serious.
I'll see you in a while. All right, I'll tell him you said hello.
You guys, I'll be right back.
Poppy.
I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday, son.
-Oh, thank you. -Hope you're enjoying yourself.
Oh, I am, very much so. Thank you, sir.
How's Laura?
Sweet as ever.
-And the girls? -They're back home in Midland.
We were just hoping to get some alone time.
A good thing.
Your mother and I, we rarely get that.
You know, I'm gearing up to run in '88.
Yes, sir. I think that's great.
Your brother Jeb can't get away from Florida.
How'd you like to lend a hand?
In what way?
Would you be willing to come to Washington?
Help me run my campaign?
Yes or no?
We'll do the-- We'll do the river.
So, what did he have to say?
Well...
...looks like we're moving to D.C.
All right.
-Hey, all right. -Yeah.
All right.
Come on now.
Good morning.
Well, Jan beat me 6 to 1. I'm never gonna be any good at that game.
I think it's because I drank almost as much as you last night.
You all right there?
Oh, I can't go on like this.
-I'm through. -Through what?
Drinking.
Well, everyone knows you're trying.
Why don't you take today off?
Stay in bed.
No. I gotta do my miles.
My three miles.
I'll suck it up.
You know, George, Washington is gonna be a big change for us.
For the girls.
Your father is running for president.
I think it's so nice of him to show such confidence in you.
You could not have asked for a better birthday present.
Confidence? He only called me because Jeb wasn't available.
The point is, he asked you.
He wants you. Bushie, why do you do this to yourself? Why?
You gonna throw up?
Three miles.
You are my God and savior.
I always trust thee.
-In Jesus' name, Amen. -Amen.
Amen.
We'll see you all next week.
-God bless you. -Thank you.
You hit a dry well, you keep on drilling.
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
-Thank you very much, sir. -Bye-bye.
Earle.
There's always this weight on me.
This heaviness.
And no matter how many times I come here or go to church...
...that weight just won't lift.
W...
...the Christian life is not a constant high.
I got my moments of deep discontentment.
And I got to go to God, just like you, and say, "God, please help me."
But all I am is name.
People say that I was born with a silver spoon...
...but they don't know the burden it carries.
I believe you, W.
And that's all right. You know, that's okay.
Now, look.
Look what you have achieved.
It's been, what, almost six months that you haven't touched a drink.
Yes, sir.
Well, the good Lord sees that, and he's proud of you.
We're all proud of you.
The worst thing you could ever say in your life are the words:
"If only I could live it over again." No.
Born again, W, that's what you are.
God has spoken to you. We've all sinned, Lord knows.
But it's what you have learned that matters.
-You hear me, George? -Yes, sir.
I do. I hear you, Reverend, I really do.
For God so loved the world...
...that he gave his only begotten son...
...that whosoever believeth in him...
...shall not perish but shall have everlasting life.
John 3:16.
Now take the baton. Reach out.
And beginning today...
...I want you to treat everybody you meet...
...your friends, your enemies, everybody...
...like they were gonna be dead at midnight.
Yes, sir.
You give that person all the love that's in you, son...
...and do it without any thought of reward...
...and your life, I promise you...
...will never be the same again.
You stay with it, W, because I can tell you...
...straight as A meets up and mates with B, you are one of us now.
And you will never be alone now that you're one of us, okay? Yeah?
From all walks of life, we are a country of wounded sinners.
A nation, a Christian nation.
There are millions of us born again.
Can I ask you, Earle, to pray with me?
It would be my pride and joy to pray with you, son.
Thank you, sir.
Heavenly Father...
...we humbly thank you for giving our servant, George...
...the wisdom, the strength and the understanding...
...to know the power of your ways.
And may he always see the light even in his darkest days.
In Jesus' holy name, Amen.
Amen.
A set-up job.
Look, I'm a devout Christian. Been one all my life.
No need for me to say I've been reborn.
No, we're not looking to put words in your mouth, sir, far from it.
Only to help you be understood by our community...
...who do not understand you at all.
If you say no it's gonna cost you votes.
And Karl knows his stuff, and these men want you to win.
It's just a matter of coding, Poppy. I mean--
It's all right, Genius Boy. Sometimes he thinks he's me.
Go on, Karl.
Well, it's rephrasing things so that you connect to the base.
I can show you this metric data, if you like.
Fellas, I appreciate your support.
Obviously need it.
Trying to learn the lingo, but--
Still an old-school Episcopalian you're looking at.
Junior here, I mean W, is the real born again.
All right, gentlemen. Thank you. Thanks a bunch.
-Thank you, Mr. Vice President. -Thank you very much, sir.
-Thank you. -Thank you, John.
They all act like businessmen. They're screamers and temple burners.
Come on. They're all protégés of Billy Graham, and from Texas.
Look, this is a bigtime change going on out there.
People are hungering for faith.
Your mother said you're really reborn.
Well, as long as you stop drinking, you can call it what you want.
I'm not comfortable with this stuff.
Inauthentic. Nixon did stuff like that.
I'm trusting you to vet everything.
I'm just looking for every edge, Poppy.
Check this spot out.
Bush and Dukakis on crime.
Bush supports the death penalty for first-degree murderers.
Dukakis not only opposes the death penalty...
...he allowed first-degree murderers to have weekend passes from prison.
One was Willie Horton, who murdered a boy in a robbery...
...stabbing him 19 times.
Despite a life sentence...
...Horton received 10 weekend passes from prison.
Horton fled, kidnapped a young couple...
...stabbing the man and raping his girlfriend.
Weekend prison passes, Dukakis on crime--
This guy Willie Horton is gonna be a household name.
This and Dukakis in that silly helmet...
...sitting in the tank are gonna put you over this time, Poppy.
Strong stuff. Naughty.
But you can't run this through the campaign.
You've got to use another pipeline.
I'm ahead of you, Poppy, don't you worry.
We outsourced it to the National Security PAC.
Roger Ailes and his group, they funded it.
Well, that's good work, son. Really good.
Earning your spurs now.
Thank you, sir.
Here is Tom Brokaw, NBC News.
Good evening, and Vice President George Bush...
...who's been in government housing for 8 years...
...will continue to live in government....
George Bush is president-elect of the United States.
We should send Willie Horton a fruit basket.
That's a good idea.
You look down. What is it?
-Congratulations. -Well, I'm just tired.
Just wondering what's gonna happen now, Karl.
What do you mean?
My father's not gonna give me a position, because he can't.
And I'm not gonna sit around, become a lobbyist. That's for sure.
George....
I've been a lifelong student of political horseflesh.
From what I see, you've got a natural talent. Got the people touch.
But you need to go out in the world, do something.
I don't know how else to say it, but you haven't done jack shit yet.
George.
George, come on to bed.
Rove hit me with a 2-by-4 of truth tonight.
Yeah, what was that?
That I'll never get out of Poppy's shadow.
They'll all keep saying, "What's the boy ever done?"
I mean, who ever remembers the son of a president?
John Quincy Adams.
Yeah, but that was like 300 years ago, wasn't it?
You know what? I wish he'd lost.
What?
-How can you say that? -I don't know.
-I got crazy, mixed feelings about it. -What are you talking about?
You helped him win the presidency. You gained his respect.
No matter what I do, it's just never gonna be enough.
Okay? Never.
What's the bottom line, George?
That Baghdad has...
...chemical and biological weapons currently active, no question.
Nukes? In some stage or other?
That's still problematic, sir. We say not yet...
...but with moderate confidence we can say they will have them by 2007, 2009.
But definitely this guy has got anthrax, mustard gas...
...sarin, VX, as much as 500 tons of CBW.
Given the dual-use provisions of the U.N. sanctions, we can't prove intent.
Until he launches.
Their military is deteriorated, infrastructure is shattered--
Why is British Intelligence telling us now that this guy...
...is trying to buy up a few hundred tons of yellow cake from Niger?
-We still have no backup on that. -We don't.
Well, we know this:
That Saddam is talking to Zarqawi, who is talking to al Qaeda...
...and Atta met Saddam's intel chief in Czechoslovakia.
There is no doubt that they're linked.
No doubt, Dick?
No doubt at all?
No doubt, Colin.
What do you say, Rummy?
Sir, the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
Just because you do not have evidence that something does exist...
...does not mean you have--
Can your intel say where these WMDs are?
Well, my people think they've found something in the area around Tikrit.
But we also have leads around Baghdad.
And to the areas east, west, south, and north somewhat.
-Well, let's find them, Rummy. -Indeed.
We know this guy Saddam's hiding stuff.
We know the U.N.'s one big international mosh pit.
We got a lot of maybes, probablys and buts from George...
...which John Q. Public ain't gonna buy.
We can present better, but we don't have nukes.
What we have is a slam-dunk on the others.
Slam-dunk?
What have you been drinking, Brother George?
What you need is to bring in some lawyers...
...who can argue cases with juries to help.
These snapshots and Iraqi gobbledygook...
...on tape is just another bunch of bullshit.
Sir, you know, whatever we come up with...
...the United Nations is gonna want more time and another resolution.